Gwyneth Paltrow seems like a lovely person. She really does. And a great cook! But for someone who professes to like keeping things simple, she sure picks complicated ways to do so -- like sticking a $66 jade egg in her, um, "yoni."
Granted, maybe the Internet wouldn't be exploding with mirth if these eggs were priced on her Goop site for, say, $9.99. But the general response would still be the same: What the --?
Here's the deal.
In a recent Goop column, Gwyneth explained how her friend, Shiva Rose, a "beauty guru and healer," introduced her to jade eggs.
Explained Gwyneth (or her ghostwriter):
"The strictly guarded secret of Chinese royalty in antiquity -- queens and concubines used them to stay in shape for emperors -- jade eggs harness the power of energy work, crystal healing, and a Kegel-like physical practice."
Pop one in, she urged, and you'll reap the benefits of better orgasms, chi, muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy.
We know what you're thinking: Will this work on men? Can we send one to the White House? Maybe a few dozen?
Alas, it seems that the powers of this little egg are overblown. Although for $66, we're guessing it comes in a really nice, um, box.
Nicole E. Williams, MD, FACOG, a board-certified gynecologic surgeon at the Gynecology Institute of Chicago, admits, "Of course, utilizing the muscles of the vagina by holding any small, round object (jade egg, vaginal beads, etc.) will help strengthen the muscles. Therefore, when they tighten during intercourse, the nerves surrounding the vagina are stimulated more completely."
This could result, she says, in a better orgasm. And help if you're prone to the occasional leakage of urine.
That said, paying $66? For a jade egg?
That's "completely unnecessary," says Dr. Williams. "Maybe it's a movie star thing? It's highly unlikely that jade can help with hormones given that the seat of control for hormones lies a little further away, in the pituitary gland."
Which is in your brain. Not your "yoni."
Other doctors have shown even more skepticism to the idea, worrying about a possible risk of infection, scratching your vaginal wall -- even the egg getting stuck.
Bottom line? If you've got issues with your "yoni," sex life, pelvic floor, or whatnot, rely on a doctor for advice, not Gwyneth.